cuntery.

“i just want to kiss you”

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 10:56:45 -0400

“i just want to kiss you”

johnny knoxville is getting 300 mil for a new microsoft campaign

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 12:18:47 -0400

johnny knoxville is getting 300 mil for a new microsoft campaign: someone fucking tase my groin so i can get that sort of paper, jesus

"Consume caffeine and alcohol in moderation. Naiman recommends avoiding caffeine after lunch. About..."

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 11:08:53 -0400

“Consume caffeine and alcohol in moderation. Naiman recommends avoiding caffeine after lunch. About alcohol, he says, “Less is better, earlier is better and with food is better.””

- Why I use whisky instead of milk in my cereals

Sleeping at work — more of us are doing it - CNN.com

my blog is going on being down for two days

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:43:28 -0400

I’m kinda thinking this is a sign that maybe I should give it up. Or maybe start a new one. I dunno. Gate.com can kinda suck my dick right now though for not fixing anything after two days.

jet blue at jfk, may 20

Tue, 20 May 2008 07:35:15 -0400

Hate kids who share no genetic composition with me. A small colored child just stood up next to me and stared at me. I love kids…who are related to me or whom I’m employed to deal with. But not you. Sorry Jaykwon.

v train, may 19 in the am

Mon, 19 May 2008 12:51:57 -0400

Relatively packed train going uptown. A little Dominican dude is playing with his Blackberry standing next to me. I see him start to fall over because he sucks at life and can’t stand on a train. I take a step to the side because I don’t want him to touch me as he loses his balance. Didn’t think he’d fall all the way, but he did. Not my job to support you dude.

lit, saturday may 17

Sun, 18 May 2008 15:49:00 -0400

Saw cute-ish girl in a fedora. I went up to her, asked if I could wear the fedora. After some talk, she gave it up. As I rejoiced in my victory over womankind with the fedora on my head, I then saw the real reason she had a hat: the fedora was hiding an atrociously high hairline. Quickly returned the fedora and scurried away.

since no one really reads this now

Sun, 18 May 2008 15:40:00 -0400

I finally figured out what I can do with the heretofore wasted Cuntery.com…write about the dumb shit I do in very small bites! Dumb things with people, my own idiocy, etc. Yay. Thinking this’ll last like a week?

Just two men walking down the street

Fri, 16 May 2008 14:12:23 -0400

Just two men walking down the street

there is a retard living above me. seriously.

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 22:05:00 -0400

me: THE RETARD UPSTAIRS IS SO LOUD
I WANT TO KILL HIM
Carl: rofl
me: i told you about the retard right?
i forget
Carl: yeah, i heard him
me: haha
yeah
ugh
haha can i have like one normal apartment situation
Carl: you can complain!
me: sigh i may have to
this is ridiculous
he's just like yelling
and going 'HEEEEEEEEEH"
...i feel like no one would believe me if i wrote about this on my blog
Carl: lol
me: HE JUST REPEATS STUFF
OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"blah blah blah. blah BLAH blah. blah BLAH BLAH."
STOP EMPHASIZING DIFFERENT THINGS
HATE YOU
Carl: i'm sorry
i'm laughing
me: damn you
haha can i kill a retard and get away with it legally
i feel like it's a service
"DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO"
he just revved up for that one

uggggggggggggggggh

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:49:37 -0400

I haven’t updated this in forever so that means I probably can just say whatever and assume no one’s reading it. Holy shit does everything suck balls right now! That’s all I have. Once things stop sucking balls, I’ll be sure to update.

Just had my portrait taken for my blog.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 12:06:32 -0500

bonita:

Let me just say that it is a very humbling experience to look at 85 close-ups of your face and have to pick the least offensive one. Oh, man.

I’m going to take this opportunity to take something someone else experience and make it all about myself. While I haven’t done any elaborate photoshoots for the BOH (though I am sure my debonair visage is the reason people go there), I do remember the photoshoot I did for my headshots when I was a freshman in college.

I was young, pretty, and full of confidence. I also had a leather jacket, earrings, and lips poutier than a dozen old ladies filled with collagen. Looking back on the photos, as I did this week while packing for the upcoming move, is just kind of embarrassing. Some shots looked great. Perhaps, if used, I could have been utilized as a young James Dean…rebellious, causeless. Others looked completely ridiculous; me trying to be “warm” for commercial headshots is not something that should ever be foisted onto society. In any situation.

i just want to throw something out there that no one will care about

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 00:45:00 -0500

I’ve been kind of avoiding writing about this, partially because I don’t want to jinx it and partially because I’m not sure anybody reading this would care because it’s a part of my life that’s not something to laugh at. But I am absolutely and completely smitten with someone.

After months of dating around dozens of girls and finding myself, at best, briefly infatuated, I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I’m not capable of finding someone who can keep up with me. Mentally, intellectually, physically…I’m a lot to handle. I have high standards and really expect nothing but the best for myself. I don’t accept mediocrity in any other aspect of my life. Why would I accept it from a woman?

And then, in the strangest way possible, I found someone who’s my equal in every way. Smart, beautiful (probably less so than me, but it’s comparable), strong, and completely entertaining. I haven’t felt so in synch with anyone in a long time, if ever.

I know this is dull. And I know it’s not even remotely close to cuntery (though I guess the fact that I would feel compelled to shout this to the world is), but I can’t shake this feeling.

It makes me feel weak. To know that someone can affect your day with their presence or lack thereof is a powerful thing. As a strong male, you want to be in control. But at the same time, I’m usually in control. And it bores me. So now there’s a woman who makes me feel amazing, but powerless. Enamored, but confused. It’s the most amazing thing to me to finally feel like I’ve lost control, yet continue to want more.

I’m completely smitten.

the time has come

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 14:49:55 -0500

After a longstanding, slightly irrational hatred of Arrested Development, I’ve decided I’m going to allow it a chance to entertain me. I’m getting seasons one and two and I will keep an OPEN MIND and wait to be entertained.

For those not up on their Christory, I’ve long-loathed Arrested Development. I didn’t join the show at the onset. After hearing the heaps and heaps of praise, I gave it a chance for a couple episodes (non-sequential). I was bored to tears throughout both. But granted, when people overly love things, I’m inclined to hate them.

I am going in. Unsullied. Objective. And we shall see if this will win me over.

bloghawk down: day 2

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 08:16:27 -0500

BOH is still down. My requests for aid from my host have as yet gone unfulfilled. There appears to be no tangible reason why it’s still down. Perhaps it’s exhaustion. Perhaps I haven’t been loving it tenderly enough. Every day it’s down, money goes out of my pocket. It flies away like a sad little bird. But even more than that, where can I call someone fat if the blog ceases to work? I’m heartbroken.

the blog is down

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 20:38:25 -0500

Ugh I have no fucking clue why. And my fag roommate is singing really loudly and obnoxiously (and offkey…he thinks he’s a good singer. SPOILER ALERT: He’s not).

On the plus side, I am smitten. Not with the roommate or my Web site’s server. Keep that under your hat.

So my Blackberry got wet inside from me using it while having a...

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 16:02:06 -0500

So my Blackberry got wet inside from me using it while having a hot shower running. Apparently humidity begets water which begets my Blackberry fucking up. I let it soak in rice (to absorb the water) which helped fix the keypad since that wasn’t working at all when the initial water uprising hit. Now when my phone “vibrates” it makes an odd loud hissing sound. Which is not vibrating at all. Sigh. I have the foresight of a fire ant.

a hate crime

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 15:50:50 -0500

I’ve written about this on the BOH before but holy shit I want to bludgeon my roommate about the head. You should know by now that we do not share toilet paper because his loose gay anus makes it so that he uses literally rolls at a time. After a lady friend spent the night last night, she left a FULL ROLL OF TOILET PAPER in the bathroom. I come home at about 3:00 (3 hours after leaving here with her) and the entire roll is GONE. GONE. JUST CARDBOARD.

How the fuck is that physically possible? What the fuck is he doing with it? Shoving it all up his ass like a chipmunk storing nuts? Wrapping himself in it and pretend he’s a mummy? What the FUCK? ARGGGGGGGH

ugh i haven't been tumbling at all

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:33:00 -0500

Rest assured, my Cuntery is continuing on at an extravagant pace. By now, you hopefully know that this is just like a bonus dose of Chris and not anything worthwhile. Uh. I mean it is worthwhile. But only if you’re a Chris Completist. Like so many women! And men (I’ve been drunk a lot)! So let’s see what I can do tomorrow. For tomorrow is a new day!

so this day didn't FEEL super

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:57:27 -0500

Super Tuesday is absolutely false advertisement. PS A vote for Hillary is the cuntiest vote you can make.