i just want to throw something out there that no one will care about
I’ve been kind of avoiding writing about this, partially because I don’t want to jinx it and partially because I’m not sure anybody reading this would care because it’s a part of my life that’s not something to laugh at. But I am absolutely and completely smitten with someone.
After months of dating around dozens of girls and finding myself, at best, briefly infatuated, I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I’m not capable of finding someone who can keep up with me. Mentally, intellectually, physically…I’m a lot to handle. I have high standards and really expect nothing but the best for myself. I don’t accept mediocrity in any other aspect of my life. Why would I accept it from a woman?
And then, in the strangest way possible, I found someone who’s my equal in every way. Smart, beautiful (probably less so than me, but it’s comparable), strong, and completely entertaining. I haven’t felt so in synch with anyone in a long time, if ever.
I know this is dull. And I know it’s not even remotely close to cuntery (though I guess the fact that I would feel compelled to shout this to the world is), but I can’t shake this feeling.
It makes me feel weak. To know that someone can affect your day with their presence or lack thereof is a powerful thing. As a strong male, you want to be in control. But at the same time, I’m usually in control. And it bores me. So now there’s a woman who makes me feel amazing, but powerless. Enamored, but confused. It’s the most amazing thing to me to finally feel like I’ve lost control, yet continue to want more.
I’m completely smitten.